This entry is based on the Red Writing Hood fiction prompt: Write a flash fiction piece (300 words or less) using the word LIFE as inspiration. (PS: Feel free to critique as well as comment! I'm always looking for good writing advice.)
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I spent the first 22 years of my life looking for love, though by the time I was 15 I convinced myself I didn’t deserve it. It was my fault Mamma left. That’s what Daddy said. And after that Daddy never hugged me anymore. When I was little I remember climbing onto his chest and he would squeeze me till I couldn’t breathe. I would kick and wiggle and he would laugh. Not after Mamma left.
When I was 20 I met Jared. We smoked, we partied, we fucked. We were perfect for each other. He loved me.
When I was 21 I told him I was pregnant. It was my fault he left. I should have been more careful, he said.
Isabella was born two weeks after my 22nd birthday.
And I finally knew love. I finally had a family.
She is my everything. We are perfect for each other.
Nice. I can feel loss, further loss, then coming to terms. Only one critique:
ReplyDeleteThat's what Daddy said...after that he never hugged me anymore.
I prefer the word screwed. The F word is used so much and it isn't needed. JAMHO (just a mom's humble opinion).
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad!
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering about the italics. I don't think you need them.
Also, I wonder if you could've started the story by saying "I convinced myself at age 15 that I didn't deserve love." and leave out the part about the first 22. You say later on that the character had her daughter at 22. Just a thought!